I'm not the one with a problem that makes me so sad sometimes; I am the problem that makes me so sad. Tonight, by just taking a period of reflection, I have got something important to say. I forgot everything that once used to mean something to me on here, and honestly it kills me sometimes. I lost sight of my own path, and through that, I lost sight of the good amount of followers that are here and care about me and have for so many years.
   I miss you guys, all of you guys. I miss being on DA so much just to chat with all of the people that have met me and the ones who I've met myself. At first, I was aiming towards the goal of being in good company of friends and family; now it's a quest for family acceptance and fame. As much as I never wanted to fall for it, my foolishness lead me to less than the valuable relationships I once possessed and have now withered.
   If there's anything I would ask for back, it wouldn't be personal space or a shack somewhere out of sight. I would ask for one of the most important things I've realized in my very short life; to get back to when I was just me towards people, and the weight of life never seemed to matter. I wish to go back to when I cared so much for others intentions over my own and how much I love all of you. I know love is a strong word, but that's the only word I can use to describe it. The impact you all have made on my life is so tremendous and overwhelming that I guess I couldn't handle the pressure to deserve keeping it.
   I don't even deserve the number of followers I have on any of my accounts, because of the carelessness I had possessed over them is absolutely disgusting. For that, I am so very sorry for hurting anyone I might have in the past few months, or even years for that matter... I never meant to, and I feel so shitty inside because of all of the buildup sometimes. I'm very internally angry about most of this, but the main person I can blame it on is myself and only myself for letting things bother me so much. It's not even that I feel sorry for myself; I feel sorry for who I've ignored and who I've left to just deal with their problems.
   With that being said, I know all of my problems (stupid ones, very stupid ones) will go away with time and things might eventually get easier. If I ever got the chance to meet you guys, I would tell every single one of you personally that you are perfect just the way you are. That's not to say I don't believe that for most people, but just for the sheer purpose that you all are obviously people with similar views and good hearts enough to the point that some of you would take time out of your day to bother with a 16 year old who makes bad art on the internet. haha I'm not meaning to get all sappy, but some things I just couldn't even put into context through words. I just want you all to know that I love you all so much and I care about what we've done throughout all of these years.
   I'm done with the repetitive cycle of constant shit infused with non-rewarding desires, and I don't want to be this pretentious prick anymore. I just want to be me and let others know that I strive to make things better. In my life, you all have been so important to me and so inspiring to others (to say the least). The people I've met are absolutely incredible,  and the laughs we shared for many days and nights still fill my heart today. The drawing sessions I had the privilege to share with many almost seemed deserving, and that's no true nor fair.
   I meant better for all of this, but through my lack of giving attention and the increase of gaining attention, I forgot what it meant to be to have something as valuable as true friends. At my school, I have a group of people to hang out with, and the trust factor when it comes to that has just gotten to be so empowering and stressful. There's no direct communication and everything seems like it's said in the dark. I enjoyed having friends, true friends, that could tell me how they actually felt and in an honest and helpful way. Don't spoonfeed others.
   It's annoying, and most times it's incredibly unhelpful. Say something how it is; because people can actually learn and build off of that. You don't have to be brutally honest, just don't misguide someone with the fear of hurting them. Bullshitting someone is similar to throwing them in the lion's den thinking beforehand that it wouldn't end badly. It was obvious it would end bad, and you knew it. You can't blame him for not knowing better when you were the one who guided him down the wrong path.
   It's just not the same is my point. In fact, I'm just as bad sometimes. What I was getting at was that I feel like there's so much misunderstanding and miscommunication between me and people at school. I mean, I try to respect others and be polite while not making a point of disrupting their space. It's just that I was used to a different crowd, and all of this is disorienting and scary to think about most days.
   It's not even the work that's the main reason I never want to go to school. There's just sometimes where some people don't know how I deal with things, I guess, and I can't expect them to. Life isn't meant to be a picnic for anyone, and this is just one of those things that I have to progressively get over. The fact that there will be those who still approach me in a crowd to wonder how I'm doing after this is what scares me; not my problems themselves.
   To avoid the rambling of an asshole like I was just doing, I want to end this journal with a list of shoutouts to those who have always been there for me when the road seemed rough, so thank you:
Thank you...